LOSING MY FOCUS
As I embark on this journey of becoming a so-called writer, I have been slightly losing my focus. For the past few days I have slowly begun to stray from my purpose. I can’t tell you what happened or what caused this disheartening occurrence. The past three months I saw more perseverance and drive within myself, than I ever have in my life. I was doing well, focused, hopeful…and to some extent I am still all of those things. Sometimes life just decides to be a b!tch, and try to hold us down. I suppose it’s a way to filter out the strong from the weak. The most I could do right now is pick up where I left off, and I’m finding it just a tad difficult to do so.
All of these places I emailed for an opportunity have not even gotten back to me with a response. It’s quite discouraging to say the least. I realize that we have to go through plenty of rejection, and even more disappointment before anyone ever truly gives us a chance. I assume my impatience is the real problem here, as it’s beginning to overshadow my passion – which is really all that matters. Maybe with life’s circumstances I’m just getting tired of waiting for things to pick up, and for anything substantial to happen. As much as accomplishing this dream will be the only thing that brings real meaning into my life, I can’t wait around forever. I’d like to believe that as long as I keep striving, everything I want, I could have. I think I’ve done a pretty good job so far of convincing myself of this. As I said in the note I wrote a few days ago about failure: ‘giving up would be a slap in the face to all the hard work and effort I’d already put in‘. I just want to know that I’m not chasing after a lost cause.
It’s amazing how often I have to tell myself all of this. It may appear that I am so confident in the future. Truth be told, I have my doubts at times too. That’s the thing. Dreaming is one thing, but believing is a process, one that I go through every single day. Sometimes giving up just seems sooo much easier. Sometimes giving up seems like the most reasonable solution. But I’ve never been one to give up and I don’t intend to start now. I’m not quite sure what I’m looking for in this moment. I think I just need a little push, because my doubts like to present themselves every now and then. I don’t ever want to be someone who could have done something meaningful with their lives, but never did. I don’t ever want to be one of those people who gave up when life was just about to happen. And I sure as hell don’t want to be put in the same category as those whose lack of faith and belief in themselves were their downfalls.
I really need to get back on track.
If dreaming makes me naiive, then so be it.
I guess we’ll find out sooner or later.
Let’s just hope I’m right and this will be worth it.
“Defeat may test you; it need not stop you. If at first you don’t succeed, try another way. For every obstacle there is a solution. Nothing in the world can take the place of persistence. The greatest mistake is giving up.”
